REEP

A young man enters my office and begins to pace back and forth uttering profanity and flailing his hands about.  Back and forth he goes…ranting and occasionally sneaking a glance at me.  I know this drill as we have done it before and I wait.  When he is ready, he sits down, takes a deep breath, sighs, and as tension visibly leaves his body he slumps in his chair. I venture a smile at him and ask, “What’s going on?”

His words, like water bursting from a dam, pour out, relating what set him off. I ask questions and he provides details. I ask if a better choice could have been made in his situation and he gives me answers that are amazingly insightful. At some point, back in control of himself, he abruptly says he is going back to his class and will apologize for his actions.  He hugs me and leaves.

Our custodian comes to my office and asks me to take a look at something in the boy’s restroom. This makes me a little nervous but I walk with her. As we enter the restroom, I see four boys.  Each is busy at cleaning up what apparently was a big, muddy, mess they made after coming in from outside.  The custodian looks at me and looks at them.  She looks perplexed and says she will clean up the area.  The boys tell her no, that they made the mess and they will clean it up.  They apologize and ask her for a mop.  She just looks at me and leaves to get one.  I commend the boys and then follow the custodian to explain to her that she does not need to feel bad that they are doing the cleaning. They are taking the responsibility for their mess and are taking the necessary action.  She still looks perplexed.

A girl repeatedly walks angrily out of class without permission and has loud, verbal outbursts laden with agonized emotion. She is disrespectful to the people who, in her more lucid moments, are people she knows she can trust.  At times, she refuses to participate in activities, skips school, and leaves campus without permission for a break.  We want her to graduate and fulfill her dreams to go to college.  We make concessions and manage small transgressions without assigning consequences.  We talk, a lot. We spend time with her parents as we work together making decisions we think will serve her best.  With delight and pride, she graduates with her class.   She begins college, returns to visit the school and her former facilitators, and even today, still invites adults from the school to her special events.

Girls and boys have cried in my office.  Many times, beyond the reason for their angst, they express sorrowful regrets for having cast a negative light on their school or for having disappointed one of their facilitators with their inappropriate behavior.

Should students always be punished for breaking rules?  Must administrators and teachers only make decisions based on what is deemed appropriate within the district code of conduct?  Is it acceptable to personalize interactions and decisions with students that might result in other students not being treated the exactly the same?

At Quest Early College High School, we have an expectation that allows no compromise. It is the expectation that everyone in the school will treat themselves and others with respect.  We teach it through an advisory structure called Family. We live it every day in how we interact with each other in classrooms, at lunch, at play, and on buses. Academic learning outcomes are always supported and enhanced by our belief that building strong character will be evident in enhancing student performance and how students move throughout their world.  Family is the foundation of who we are.  We devote forty minutes to our Families every day of every week.  The lessons learned there are invaluable. At our school, we ARE a family and it has made all the difference.

Teenagers are notorious for being impulsive. How do we, as adults and leaders in our schools model positive behaviors by our reactions to their impulsivity?  Does every mistake need to be met with punitive measures?  Do we know our students well enough to make best choices when something goes askew?

In a time where high stakes testing drives our curriculum, is it really so important to take time to build relationships with our students?  Is that our responsibility as educators?  How do we nurture the current and future generations of students so they are prepared for the realities of their world?

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